I actually wrote this post like 4 months ago, but I took another break from here. I added some bits because they were relevant, but what I wanted to blab about was basically already in this post, so here it is!
The title of this post ended up sounding pretty ominous, but nothing about this post will really be bad. I just had some thoughts recently about creativity and some self-destructive behavior I sometimes have with it, but I have gotten better at understanding that, thus this post was created. I also know I haven’t made a little thought-based post like this in a bit, and I enjoy doing them.
So I’ve had a very back-and-forth relationship since I started making any sort of content online. Ever since I started the blog, my thoughts about things have changed a lot, and I’ve tried to learn and improve or pivot to other things I thought would do better. I’ve even taken breaks from streaming, which I used to do a lot, and I stopped the blog for about a year as well.
I tend to always try to do more whenever something starts to get comfortable for me. Especially if I start to see any success at all. My next thought is immediately about how I can scale that and make whatever it is more successful. The problem is that you’re playing a dangerous game when you don’t think about how to consistently meet the demand you set. And sometimes things just don’t work out. You can’t always capitalize.
For instance, this blog, when I first started it, was much more varied, and once I had some success with anime, it became an anime blog. While I wouldn’t take that back, I do think I would have enjoyed it more if it were still about whatever I wanted, and that’s why I’ve gone back to it. I’ve been rethinking the reason for the blog. It should be for me first of all.
When it comes to YouTube, I was doing Pokémon fact shorts last year. They were performing really well for my channel. I was getting thousands of views each short, and even grew by hundreds of subscribers. However, I did these shorts daily. And while that was working well, something like that burned me out quickly, and I couldn’t keep up with it as I tried to ride off the success. It’s a tricky problem.
Recently, it’s been a similar thing with YouTube again. I made a change to Dragon Ball, and while it’s been doing better than anything else I’ve done, I’m not able to maintain it anymore. It’s not doing anything for my creativity. I need to pivot again in some way for my mental health.
When you get some success, it’s natural to want to feed that success and continue to get even more. But for me, if I’m not careful about the way I do that, burnout is guaranteed eventually. You don’t want to set expectations for viewers that you can’t keep, but you also really don’t want to set expectations that you yourself can’t handle. It’s a big lose-lose.
The biggest reason for this post was that recently I’ve had some success on my YouTube for videos instead of shorts this time. I did a Fire Emblem lightly edited series with a randomizer, and it’s doing pretty good. I’ve actually gotten almost 500 watch hours over the month I’ve been posting, which is amazing and puts me on a great track to hit monetization requirements. Most videos in the series reach 100 or more views, with some really going up. Parts 1 and 2 are over 500.
So naturally, I want to see what happens if I continue the success past this. So I made a poll for another Fire Emblem series and what challenge people would like, and I got around 30 votes, which helped me gauge my viewers and also tell me what I should do. So I’m releasing a Fire Emblem 6 randomizer (never ended up doing this) soon after. I hope it does just as well, but I’m not sure if it will. Either way, I do enjoy it.
But I don’t really want to just be a Fire Emblem channel, however, I know that has a larger chance of success. Though my most viewed video was actually a Dragon Ball Sparking Zero video I made. But the second video I made for it hasn’t done great yet, but it may pick up. There are just so many unknowns, but those unknowns generally are what I enjoy making. So I thought about making a second channel.
Somewhere that I could do whatever, but then if I start making success with that, then what? You can’t just keep going with what works all the time at the cost of what you want. I realized that you shouldn’t strive to make what you think works fun, but make what you have fun doing successful. So the second channel idea is basically dead, but these are the thoughts that evolved from that. So don’t be your worst enemy. Try to be your best friend.
Basically, I think I have a lot of things I want and a lot of creative frustrations that I need outlets for in some ways. I think often times, those frustrations lead to outlets for them, but when I start to see that I could turn something into something greater, I lose that outlet and then try to morph something into one or try to start a new one. When in reality, I shouldn’t use my outlet for anything other than myself. It’s mine after all. Anyone who reads the blog, I hope you enjoy! But it is for my journey again. My personal outlet as it originally started.
